As many of you know, I am currently on my maternity leave. Labor could occur any day, official date is 8. June, a week from now. Since this life experience so deeply affects me on many levels, I’ve decided to dedicate a blog post to it, a dedication to a life change full of happiness and pride, future that awaits both my husband and me…
… Pregnancy really changed me as a person. Something I was most afraid of, losing myself in a way, experiencing that change of identity into motherhood, even putting another human’s well being in front of my own… something that made me most uncomfortable before, something I would fight against… turned out to be a change that brought me such delight and happiness.
Even though it is most probably just nature, hormones, pure animal instinct, body over mind talking; it gave me new found hope and a will to live and fight more in this corrupted, violent and sad world around us, world that most often had kept me very depressed. I would never have thought to find salvation in something so natural and raw, something that is not anchored in my intellect… So, thank you Mother Nature, I will try and listen to my body more in the future since I’ve always denied you.
Feeling I have for this child isn’t anymore “me and her”… everything happening for her is happening for me, as she is a part of me. We have created her together from our love, my body had nurtured her growth, my body will feed her, with my mind and life example I will raise her, on our roots she will learn and explore the world, in the end becoming her own, individual persona.
And in this sense I have no problem of posting and talking a lot about my pregnancy and child, although some people have negative feelings about it. This child is my own and I am hers, just like my husband and our cats are integral part of my life and identity. I will never deny my love for them.
I am learning so much from this experience and most important lecture is that fear should never ever again keep me from new life experiences. I could have missed something so great. This of course isn’t the case for everyone, parenthood definitely isn’t for everyone. But for me this turned out to be freedom, pure passion, personal growth.
I didn’t lose myself, even though I certainly changed, but instead have gained more than I could have ever imagined. Lotta, thank you for this chance of being your mom, we will learn and grow together.